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ADHD Isn’t About Attention. It’s About Regulation.

"Just focus."

People with ADHD hear this all the time. From teachers, parents, bosses, and friends who mean well. The message is simple: if they just tried harder, everything would be okay.


But this advice gets it wrong: ADHD isn't about focusing. It's about controlling where your focus goes.



The Myth of the Attention Deficit


The name "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder" is misleading. It suggests that people with ADHD don't pay attention to things. But anyone who actually lives with ADHD will tell you this isn't true.


They pay attention to everything. That's actually the problem.


Dr. Kathleen Nadeau, a psychologist who specializes in ADHD and has it herself, explains: "People who think ADHD means having a short attention span misunderstand what ADHD is." She describes how, when working on writing projects, she becomes so absorbed that she needs to set timers to remind herself of appointments or phone calls she needs to make.


This isn't about not paying attention. It's about not being able to control what you pay attention to.


What Regulation Actually Means


ADHD affects something called executive function. Think of this as your brain's control center. Executive function helps you:


  • Regulate attention (choose what to focus on and what to ignore)

  • Regulate emotions (manage how you respond to feelings)

  • Regulate energy (start tasks, maintain effort, switch between activities)

  • Regulate impulses (pause before acting or speaking)

  • Regulate time (estimate how long things take, plan ahead)


When someone tells you to "just focus," they're asking you to do something your brain has trouble with. That’s like telling someone with a broken leg to ignore the injury and keep going.


What This Looks Like in Real Life


Understanding the concept is one thing. Seeing how regulation challenges play out in daily life is another. Here's what people with ADHD describe:


The hyperfocus trap: Sarah Alexander-Georgeson, writing about her experience with ADHD, describes staying up through the night without sleep or food because she became fixated on finishing a TV series. She explains that after spending a lot of time deeply focused on hobbies like embroidery, she goes through "a period of not wanting to do my hobby. It's like I have 'creativity burnout,' and I feel rubbish."


This isn't about trouble focusing. It's about being unable to shift your attention when you need to—even for basic things like eating and sleeping.


The emotional whiplash: Dr. Gilly Kahn, a licensed psychologist with ADHD, describes incidents where she started literally sobbing in professional settings—in her professor's office during grad school, in a supervisor's office, or with work colleagues. She writes, "One hundred percent of those examples involved me feeling rejected." For people with ADHD, emotional intensity can turn minor criticism into overwhelming distress, while major accomplishments may barely register.


The time blindness: People with ADHD who have time blindness don't experience time the way others do. One person described planning a simple trip to the store before work, misjudging how long they needed, ending up running late, and watching their mood "take a nosedive." One expert puts it this way: when people with time blindness can't feel time passing, they also can't sense that others are waiting or that deadlines are getting close. There's a big difference between understanding you should be on time and actually feeling time move forward.


The interest-based nervous system: Studies show that people with ADHD can't always control their attention through willpower alone. Their focus naturally goes to things that are interesting, new, urgent, or challenging—not always to what's most important. This is why someone with ADHD might remember every detail about their favorite video game but forget to pay their bills or finish a work report.


Why the Misconception Hurts


When people think ADHD is just about focus, they assume those with the condition are:


  • Lazy or unmotivated

  • Not trying hard enough

  • Making excuses

  • Using medication as a shortcut


ADHD isn't a personality problem or laziness. It's a difference in how the brain works—specifically, how it manages attention, emotions, impulses, and effort.


Telling someone with ADHD to "just focus" is like telling someone who's depressed to "just be happy" or someone with anxiety to "just calm down." It misses the point of what's really going on in their brain.


This misunderstanding affects people with ADHD in big ways. It changes how teachers, bosses, and others treat them. It affects whether they get help or get blamed. It's the difference between getting support and being called lazy. Between understanding and being judged.


What Actually Helps


When we understand that ADHD is really about regulation, it completely changes how we can help.


Instead of saying "try harder to focus," people with ADHD need tools that help them stay on track. Things like timers, visual schedules, working next to someone else, and breaking big tasks into small steps. These tools do the work that their brain struggles to do.


Instead of saying "stop being so sensitive," they need support for their emotions. This means accepting that their strong feelings are real, not overreacting, and teaching them ways to handle those feelings.


Instead of saying "just remember," they need reminders they can see or hear. Alarms, checklists, automatic notifications, and apps that help them remember things without having to keep it all in their head.


The goal isn't to make ADHD brains work like non-ADHD brains. It's to create tools and spaces that work well for how ADHD brains actually function.


If you don't have ADHD: understanding this can change how you help coworkers, students, friends, or family. Instead of asking "Why can't you just..." you can ask "What would help you?"


Your Turn


ADHD is one of the most misunderstood conditions, and this confusion affects schools, workplaces, and relationships.


What's the most frustrating misconception you've encountered about ADHD?


Whether you have ADHD or you're trying to help someone who does, tell us what you think:


  • Do people say "everyone's a little ADHD"?

  • Do they think ADHD medication is cheating?

  • Do they think only kids have ADHD?

  • Do they think people with ADHD just need to be more disciplined?


Share your story in the comments. Let's help people understand what ADHD is really like.

The more we talk about ADHD, honestly, the harder it is for people to dismiss it as something to "just get over."


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